He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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