if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
