I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Semen is not good for contacts.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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