I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
