Tell her she can't have a vagina
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
even my farts smell like vagina
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
