well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
