i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
