This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
