You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
