Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
