90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
operation harelip BJ is a go
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
