spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
