You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
