She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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