okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
