So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize