Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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