I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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