Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you had me at cake vodka
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize