I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
