its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
