it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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