it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
