i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
