Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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