Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
