There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
