Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Still dying that you shit outside
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
