if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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