i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
