i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
