I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
