So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
