So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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