he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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