that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
