As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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