Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize