Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
