I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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