I wannas sexs uuuuu
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
