you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
