You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
