Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
