i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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