I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
