She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
