We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
