mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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