Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
