You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
