I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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