I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
