And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
