the condom got lost in my hair
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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