i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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