She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
