no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
