Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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