I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
