I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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