I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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