Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
