just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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