If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
